Week 33: Citroën C4 Rally

A rally in automotive circles is a competition on public roads instead of race tracks.

Similarly, my two-year-old often runs a circuit in my house, screaming along on public thoroughfares of carpet and tile in a course he has designed, back and forth, back and forth, feet paddling along at dizzying speeds. Sometimes he is joined by his preschool brother.

This, my friends, is a toddler rally.

Toddler rallies erupt spontaneously, in the house, at a story hour in the library, and, while illegal in most states, in restaurants.

They can be two-way runs to point A, turnaround, point B, turnaround, point A, etc., or, if at a house featuring a circular path like that at Baby G's grandmother's house where the kitchen sports two distinct openings to the rest of the house, a continuous run, around and around and around.

Circular toddler rallies usually have a giggle or repeated noise that is presented at the same spot on each lap, say as the toddler racer passes the loveseat. Consistency, you see, is a hallmark of a toddler rally. Hall marks, however, are consistent with a toddler finding a crayon under the couch. Different sport.

Toddler rallies are at their best at toddler gatherings such as birthday parties, where three or more toddlers, without warning, begin running a course. I don't know how a toddler wins a toddler rally, but the universally agreed upon closing of a rally is a toddler smashing into something full-headfirst-tilt.

As a spectator sport, toddler rallies are both entertaining and infuriating to watch, especially for those in the crowd  uncomfortable with a sport that openly flaunts the law. Toddlers, you see, seldom obtain the proper paperwork and authorization for these rallies, giving them the mystique of an illegal street race. Only they can be much louder.

Spectator etiquette, by the way, requires comments about how the racer will "sleep well tonight" or how he or she is "burning off energy." Again, consistency is a hallmark of toddler rallies.

Like in any race, crashes at toddler rallies can be spectacular.

But this is the world of the Fast and the Furious.

Generally it is the parents that end up furious, but that is usually only after a sibling trips up a rally racer.

The toddler, however, remains fast. Until he crashes.

Then he is fast asleep.

Either way, however, he's fast.



Photo of the Hot Wheels Citroën C4 Rally courtesy of Phil Pekarcik. While it looks like a pic of an actual Citroën C4, that picture really is of my tiny Hot Wheels diecast.