Week 77: 1974 VW Thing Type 181

The VW Thing. What was it? Who drove it? Where did it go? I miss, you, Thing.

Even though "thing" is the junk drawer of words, the word has distinct yet individually recognizable meanings to me when spoken by different family members in my house. I hear a different word depending on the speaker even though that word  has the same "thing" sound, more or less. My five year old has the remnants of difficulties with the "th" sound so there is a little bit of "sing" in his "thing," but I'm not referring to variations in enunciation.

When my five year old, referred to in this blog as Racer A, uses the word "thing," it is either a placeholder for a new vocabulary word he has learned but has temporarily forgotten, as in "What's that thing called? Ummm, a crosswalk? Yes, a crosswalk, that's it!"or a reference to some silliness I previously invented while acting like an idiot, as in "Can we do that thing we did yesterday, that thing where you talk in the weird monster voice and ask if I have any corn for sale?"

When A says "thing" there is no harshness or distress, just a kind, relaxed, contented curiosity. Racer A's "thing" is a hypoallergenic kitten with a  charming look of curiousness. His "thing" is a kitten that even professed cat haters like.

Not with the almost-three-year-old. "Thing," from him, has teeth and claws, and this thing's matted, clumped fur will definitely make you sneeze as it is clawing your eyes out. "Thing" for Baby G only refers to something his brother has that he wants or something mom took away for safety reasons, and "thing" is usually shouted. Example: [Racer A is wearing an oven mitt] "Give me that THING!! That's MY Power Glove!!" Or: [Mom has taken away a curtain rod, one of the tension kind that squeeze in between the window frame] "I want that THING!! It's mine!! That's MY sword!!"

How can that be the same word? Those "things" are like identical twins where one is angelic and the other is the bad seed. For clarity, I'm talking about the word "thing," not my kids.

With my sixth grade son, "thing" is almost always in reference to some topic of emotional discomfort. "Thing" from him is a verbal incarnation of a hissed whisper. Example: "Dad? Remember that thing we talked about yesterday? You know, that thing, that I said I didn't want to talk about but I did? That thing?" The word "thing" from Racer Z is so different from the same word from his brothers that it doesn't even get a kitten or cat metaphor, or even a dog metaphor, for that matter. "Thing" from Z, if I needed to give it a metaphor, is an envelope in a safe deposit box, without mews or barks, which really don't belong in safe deposit boxes anyway.

"Thing" from my wife is yet again different. "Thing" from her induces a Pavlovian conditioned sigh  from me, of which I swear I'm going to uncondition myself. I swear. "Thing" refers to any event, device, situation, product, program, topic, new research finding, Internet meme or kitchen gadget she is thinking about when speaking to me. "Remember that thing we saw yesterday?" * SIGH * "What THING?"

My oldest son, who is 22, has his own apartment and has never been given a blog pseudonym, simply doesn't say "thing" and seems to only use specific words. If he said "thing" then it would likely be "Thing" -- as in the animated hand from the Addams Family or the car at the top of the page.

What is interesting to me is that my word associations don't cross over between family members. I don't sigh when A muses to himself about "that thing we saw at the grocery store," any more than I smile when G rants about that "thing" that apparently belonged to him since time immemorial. The word is customized to the individual like a Google ad, except effective.

So what about me? What does "thing" mean from me? It depends. Are we talking James Arness, or the John Carpenter remake with Curt Russell? I'm not even mentioning the 2011 remake. I just don't see the point. Probably the  1951 version. Like the "Thing" at the top of the page, I just think "Things" look better in black and white.

Thanks to Phil Pekarcik for, you know, the Thing, the photograph of the Thing? That Thing.